Love In Vain
by Arianator13
Summary: Cat is in love with Jade, but that love is in vain. Can Tori keep Cat away from the darkness she keeps lurking around in by coming up with a way to try and make Jade jealous? Well Jade ever realize where her heart really belongs or will it be too late? Cori. Cade.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I'm back! I have a new story for you all! This is what the first chapter is, let me know what you all think and maybe just maybe I will continue with this story. Its different, but normal is boring. **_

It's been a year. A year and nothing's changed. I'm still hurt. I'm still sad, but I smile and laugh each and every single day to mask my true feelings inside. She's happy, but in a way I'm happy for her because she's not hurting, no not at all, she's smiling and laughing as if everything in her life is finally going right.

An then there's me, the pretender, the dreamer, the one who brightens a room with a single smile. Every day I wake up and all I do is think why am I here, what is the purpose if the entire time I'm suffering. I'm suppose to be rainbows and sunshine, happy and filled with joy. I just don't understand why people have to make other people suffer.

Wise people tell me I don't know what love is, but I do and it hurts especially if I love and that love is in vain.

I got up and I went inside my bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror and starred at myself. I look into my own eyes and there filled with pain and loss. "Empty." I close my eyes and I took my clothes off an got in the shower using cold water.

_**…**_

I skipped breakfast and I made my way over to Hollywood Arts regretting ever inch I got closer. I can't help but think what is it that I'm doing wrong, obviously its me, the one with the problems. It hurts and I wished I never knew that feeling, the feeling of falling in love…because it feels amazing, but when you hit the ground hard its replaced with pain, lots of pain with plenty of heartbreak.

I parked my car an turned it off and I took a couple deep breaths. "Here we go Cat, its Monday morning. No big deal the week will go by fast and next thing you know it's the weekend again. You can do this, you're strong." I nod my head and I grab my keys and got out and went for the double doors to the school entrance with my heart beating so fast I thought I would have a heart attack. I went straight towards my locker and I leaned my back against it as I watch Beck walk across the hall over to Jade.

He has everything all I ever wanted…

Her love. Her affection. Her attention. Her heart. An even her. He has it all.

Its still Monday can the day go any slower. I look away from Beck to focus my attention onto Jade. We don't hang out as much as we used to, I remember like it was just yesterday when we had our first sleepover. Now it's been months, and in between those months we've had no time for one another.

"Hey Cat!"

"Oh hey Tori! What's up?"

"Nothing much really, just figured you need someone to talk to since you look really lonely."

I sad smiled at Tori and let out a little giggle. "That bad huh."

"Yeah."

"I'm trying Tori."

"I know you are Cat, but its better then giving up."

"Though some days I want to."

"Cat stop."

"Sorry! I just can't help the way I feel. I'm only human Tori."

"I know, but I also know you will get through this, I know you will."

"Thanks Tori."

"No problem, lets go to class. Shall we?"

"Yes, we shall."

I can't help but to think how grateful I am to have Tori in my life, she's the only other person besides my family who knows how I feel about Jade. Jade.. Saying or thinking her name makes me sad and my heart hurt all over again. I miss who we were. I miss what we had. I miss her.

"Cat don't think about her! It always makes you look how you feel. I really hate seeing you this way."

"I know."

"Can you please try not to think about her. Please Cat, for me?"

"For you?"

"Yes, for me."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head yes for okay. "Okay Tori I'll try not to, but only for you.

"Thanks Cat!"

"You're welcome Tori."

Tori leaned in and gave me a hug and I felt a little better then I did before. I felt even more better when I felt her squeeze me, it made me smile and squeeze her right back. I don't remember why I was sad to begin with because Tori made me feel better.

Tori pulled away and looked at me smiling. "There's that smile!"

"No, stop Tori!" I giggled and I started walking towards our class and I walked in smiling and I sat down.

"Haha, okay Cat I'll stop."

"Thank you!" She sat down next to me and we were both smiling. I felt happy, happy? I haven't been happy in the longest I totally forgot the feeling. I smiled even bigger at the thought of the feeling of being happy and Tori smiled bigger with me. I looked to the front of the class and I quietly whispered.

"Today is going to be a good day."

**_A/N: Well let me know what you think but leaving me reviews and if you have suggestions then message me, thanks for reading! _**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Here's chapter two! Enjoy!**_

So far its been a good day nothing weird has been going on and I feel pure joy. I walked into my 5th period class and I sat down and waited for the bell to ring. I looked around the classroom looking at the kids walking in and keeping to myself and not bothering to say anything.

"Class get started on the work that I have on the board for you as you wait for the bell to ring."

I took my paper out and I started writing what was on the board when I suddenly got the chills.

"Hey babe want me to come over later?"

"Of course Jade I always want you to come over, you're my girl."

I nearly exploded into millions of tears when I realized that this is the class I have Jade AND Beck. I took deep breaths and hold back my tears as the feelings and thoughts rushed into me like a fast moving train.

"Hey Cat."

"Hey Jade. Hey Beck." I waved at the both of them smiling as if nothing is wrong.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, it's a good day outside isn't it?"

"Yeah sure whatever, come Beck."

"Bye Cat see ya later."

"Bye Beck." My heart fell to my stomach and I still continued to smile no matter what. The bell went off and the teacher walked in and began with the lesson he had for today and I was already starting to lose interest. I sighed and I got lost into my thoughts, but not just any thoughts.. they were my dark thoughts. Just look at them all happy and shit, ugh why can't I be like that? This is ridiculous, she knows what she's doing to me yet she still does it without a damn care!

"Cat what are you doing?"

I quickly looked up and I notice kids where leaving. "What'd you mean?"

"Ms. Valentine the bell already went off, its time for lunch."

"Right." I got up and I packed my stuff up as I smiled awkwardly at the teacher.

"You okay Ms. Valentine."

"Never better Mr. H."

"Okay."

"Thanks anyway Mr. H." I pushed in my chair and walked out of the classroom to go over to my locker and lightly hit my head against it.

"Cat… you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine just forgot something."

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm fine."

"Really?"

"I'm fucking fine okay! Leave me the fuck alone!" I stormed off going outside towards the table the gang sit at and I smile. "Hey."

"Hey Lil Red!"

"Where's Tori?"

"I'm right here. Hey Cat."

I looked over at Tori and its like she already knew what was going on. "Hey.."

"Oh Cat, you promised me!"

"I know! I'm sorry Tori I didn't mean too!"

"You were doing fine first and third period, what happened?"

I leaned in close to her ear as I whispered. "Beck and Jade are both in my fifth period.."

"They are?"

I nodded my head and I looked away and took a deep breath. "I didn't even catch Mr. H's lesson I got bored and lost in my thoughts."

"Jesus Cat!"

"I know, I'm sorry!"

"So you tell Tori what's wrong with you, but when I ask I get yelled at and snapped on!"

"Robbie.."

"What does Tori have that I don't?"

"Robbie."

"Forget it, I don't care anymore!"

I sighed and I quietly whispered to myself. "No one does." I got up from the table and walked away going back inside into Hollywood Arts as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. I went to the only place I felt safe and I walked in an I sat down and cried as I lean against the wall and slid down.

No one loves you stop trying to get attention to yourself.

"I'm not!"

Yes you are! Look at you, you are so pathetic crying over someone who will never love you.

"Stop it! Leave me alone!"

What's wrong Cat you can't take the truth when you hear it?

"Stop! Please!"

No, you need some sense knocked into you!

"Leave me alone! I don't need you! Get out of my head!"

No one likes you Cat, no one will ever like you Cat just face it already. You're pathetic.

"Pathetic?"

Yes, pathetic.

"I'm.."

Pathetic.

"I'm pathetic."

That's right Cat, you're pathetic.

"Yes." I stood up and I wiped my tears away an I walked out of the room and started heading to the girls bathroom. I walked in and I splashed water onto my face cleaning myself up. I grabbed a paper towel and dried my face and then I threw it away.

I turned to walk away but I stopped to look at my face in the mirror and studied my facial features. I looked into my own eyes and the was a spark of a little darkness in them.

Pathetic.

I looked away only to look back at my whole face and I shook my head. "Quite being pathetic Cat! Get your shit together! No ones going to be here for you if you don't stop being pathetic!" I let out a small scream and punched the mirror and ran out of the girls bathroom taking deep breaths as I went over to Sikowitz's classroom to calm myself down. I walked in breathing heavily and everyone was staring at me. "What?"

"Are you okay Cat?"

"Yes, why?"

"Why are you breathing heavily?"

"I fell asleep and I woke up realizing class started so I quickly ran over here."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah."

"You feeling okay?"

"Of course, never been better."

**_A/N: If you get confused Cat was having and inner battle with the dark part of herself when she was in her safe place. So yeah, let me know what you all think by leaving me reviews :]_**


	3. Chapter 3: The past part 1

_**A/N: I decided to maybe give a little background story as to why Cat thinks the way she thinks and how the darkness in her heart started and basically why she is the way she is now. Enjoy hope you like it!**_

I'm in my room and today I feel like telling you my life story, the story of how my darkness began and how those wounds still effect me till this day.

Alone. That explains what I'm feeling every single day of my life since my father passed away. Life with my dad was everything, I was always smiling and laughing and just being a happy damn kid.

A part of me misses that feeling, the feeling of being whole and happy. I never once in my life thought I would lose someone who made me, me.

Now… well now everything in my life seems to be okay is what others would say, but nobody knows, absolutely no one knows how I feel, people try to understand, but in reality nobody does. Sometimes I feel like I need help, but even a damn psychologist won't help me to get rid of the thoughts.

I looked around in my room at all the posters and the stuff I have on top of my drawers and it doesn't help. Being in the comfort of my four walls in my room alone brings out the darkness of me and it doesn't scare me, no not at all. In fact in a twisted way they comfort me, they know how I feel, they understand my emotions and they know I'm right when the rest of the world is wrong. I'm miserable and even though things at home are normal and fine I still feel the feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and darkness.

Home.

That word alone gives me a slight tug to my heart. I feel like a stranger sometimes, like I don't fit in or I'm the odd ball. I was nobody's favorite but my fathers, everyone else… well everyone else hated me.

When a new small edition was added to my family, a sister, boy was I sure happy I had someone to play with now. By the time I was four and a half my sister was only one, and even though she couldn't talk yet it seemed that everybody fell in love with her.

I was the bad guy, the demon child, the delinquent. Her, well she was the apple of everyone's eye, the sweetheart, the angel. I didn't care then because I had my father, I was his favorite, his first born even, I bonded with him more than I bonded with my own mother. My mom and I never had the relationship my dad and I had, don't get me wrong I loved her too I just preferred my dad.

Two years after my sister was born another was brought into my family.. Another sister and I was excited, ecstatic to be precise not only do I have one person I can play with, I now have two! It was wonderful, I loved them both and my life couldn't be any happier during that time.

As we grew up things took a toll for the worst, my family member still thought of me the same way that never changed, but now.. Now both of my sister's became the angels of the family. They were the adorable ones, the fit ones, the girly ones.

Together we got along wonderfully, we fought but very little, we all enjoyed the same things and even enjoyed playing outside with made up games.

It was Sunday, one day before school was starting up again, I was going to be in fourth grade and I was just glad I was one more grade away from graduating from elementary school.

I remember it like it was just yesterday…

_**A/N: What did you guys think? Leave me reviews, I wanna know what you guys though.**_


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